Fear, Expectations and Matters of the Heart
Many of you may know that I am the proud adoptive mother of twin girls who are now 20 years old. Like many of the adoptive parents we work with, I suffered infertility and failed pregnancies before looking to adoption as a way to become a parent. After working with so many birth moms and adoptive parents, it’s clear to me that both sides are walking a similar path, yet coming from a different direction.
It is safe to say that like many of the adoptive parents I have worked with, I had so much fear and so many unanswered questions about the process of adoption. And as well, it’s safe to say that any birth mom that I have worked with over the years has approached the idea of placing her child for adoption with similar fear, and probably many similar unanswered questions. It’s interesting to me, how adoptive parents and birth parents share so many of the same fears and anxieties through this process.n I remember thinking things like, will we ever get chosen, will a birth mother like us, will a birth mother really be able to place her child for adoption. Many birth moms have shared very similar feelings and questions with me. Will they really want my baby? Will they really love my baby as their own? Adoptive parents ask similar questions, only from a different perspective.
I think it’s realistic to say that both sides come to the “table of adoption” with many fears, losses and unanswered questions. I encourage the birth moms that we work with to take their time looking for the right adoptive family and consider all their options. And similarly, I advise prospective adoptive families to carefully consider all things before committing to a birth mom and her baby. Making the choice to place a child for adoption with an adoptive family is a very emotional matter, as it is for an adoptive parent to make preparations to add a child to their family.
I encourage the birth moms we work with to be open and honest about their feelings and I suggest the same to adoptive families. I believe this is the best way to create a sense of mutual trust and respect between both sides. Adoption is a matter of the heart and I believe both sides will encounter unexpected feelings along the way they will need to work through and decide how to handle. Approaching this complicated process with honest intent and an open mind is the best way to complete a successful adoption plan. Consider that on both sides, adoption is a major life decision for a person no matter which side you happen to be on. And keep in mind that the person on the opposite side shares fears and apprehensions as well.
We offer and encourage birth moms to participate in counseling through the process so that they are well prepared in what to expect. We offer birth moms a chance to connect with other birth moms who have been through the process and are willing to share their experience. Adoptive parents similarly have the chance to speak to other adoptive parents that have been through the process and can help them have realistic expectations.
So….if you’re considering making the decision to give your child for adoption, I would love to meet with you and discuss your particular situation. If you’re interested in selecting an adoptive family for your child, please allow us to show you profiles of available adoptive families just waiting to hear that they are chosen. Many of those families are more than willing to meet you in person or talk with you on the phone so that you can make the best decision for you and your baby and to give you the opportunity to become comfortable with them from the start, and start building a relationship that not only works for now, but for the future. After all, I think we can all agree that adoption is about LOVE… a birth mother’s unselfish and brave love for her child and an adoptive parents’ heart full of love just waiting to be shared with that same child.
Please feel free to contact me, Marilu, via Email at firstname.lastname@example.org or by phone at 850-692-5113, to see if I can help put you on the path of making a successful adoption plan for you and your child.